How Do People Say No?
How do people say no?
No, I cannot work that extra shift.
No, I do not want to go out and drink all night.
I am not fond of disappointing people but it is starting to wear me down. I haven’t had two consecutive days off in a literal month. I was home in Michigan in the beginning of March and that is the last time I had multiple days off in a row. My brain is tired.
However, I am aware that I have done it to myself and so I apologize to the people that have heard me vent about how I worked 15 days in a row between 3 jobs. I did not expect to work 15 days in a row but in order to take on a new job I needed to say yes. I worked three days with In10sity and then the Westin scheduled me seven straight to finish off my full-time employment and then right into five with Zoll. Then I had Saturday off and worked at the Westin on Sunday. I see myself falling into a pattern of 6-day work weeks, which is great to finance my Europe trip, but not great for my brain. I am finally burning out.
Even with all that work I still have to go grocery shopping. Still need to vacuum my floors, Swiffer, dust, clean the bathroom, take out the trash, clean Camden’s litter box. Still have to pay rent and utility bills.
When I am burning out like this I selfishly regret having moved from Michigan because I have no one to take care of me. But then I also am happy I moved away because I know myself. I know I can depend on myself to get shit done. My parents, especially my mom (because she said to never ever rely on a man), raised me to provide for myself and to not rely on anyone else for things. Yes, obviously, I rely on my family for things but it is the fact that I CAN do it on my own and that I do most of my life on my own is empowering. I think that probably goes back to why my best friend called me intimidating months ago...strong, independent, smart, hardworking woman.
Well, that was a tangent. Or maybe not. I guess being independent ties directly into my inability to say no.
I want to sit on my couch with take out and watch rom-coms. Or to lay in my bed with a good documentary. Or, I would like to go out to eat good food and drink just one beer and then go back to my couch.
But I am struggling to say no. I need solo time. Actually, I don’t even need solo time. I like the presence of certain humans no matter what I am doing. But I need to just exist with people. To have conversations that don’t require me to fake smile or things like that. To sit in coffee shops with an Americano, cannoli, my laptop, cards and a friend. I’ve fallen out of that the past two months and it is finally hitting me.
Real adults in the world, how do you say no? Or it is just a matter of accepting it all?
