Mental Illness Truly Knows No Boundaries

They say mental illness doesn’t discriminate and I can assure you that the saying is true.

Most people hear about the big issues: the suicides of high profile celebrities such as Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain and Robin Williams. The addiction and recently reported overdose of Demi Lovato. We hear about incredibly wealthy and successful individuals who are struggling with anxiety or depression and people without any knowledge of mental illness don’t understand why someone who seems to have everything would be so lost and lonely. Or they might even say why are they so selfish and crazy?

I’m not some rich celebrity but I am successful and incredibly fortunate in so many ways but I know that mental illness can strike at any time for no reason at all.

And it sucks.

Actually, it’s really shitty.

I am fully aware that I have no reason in the world to be anxious or depressed. The past five months of my life have truly been some of the best yet. I finally feel like I am becoming who I am meant to be. I’m physically healthy (could definitely stand to lose weight but I’m finally embracing my curves). I just accepted a wonderful job offer (two months earlier than expected). My family is all doing well. I have great friends in multiple cities, states, countries and continents. My cat is cute as can be. One of the world's greatest men is by my side supporting me. There are tickets to three Ed Sheeran concerts in September in my iPhone Wallet I have five incredibly soft and comfortable blankets. My arm has the world’s coolest London tattoo. I have so many material things that I genuinely want for nothing. And I also have incredible love and support around me.

There is no reason for me to be anxious. I get it. I agree.

But sometimes it just happens.

Mental illness comes back out of nowhere.

The past six days have been rough and I’m fully aware that my brain is irrational. On Sunday evening I napped for a couple of hours, ate some food and then laid in my bed and mainly slept for 12 hours. That’s a lot of sleep. But my brain couldn’t stop running. The thoughts were just bouncing all around like a pinball machine. I’ve been tired the past week but I haven’t exerted more energy than usual. I’ve actually exerted less in many ways because I’ve been antisocial. However, I didn’t have the energy to socialize because of the anxiety. Some people have a racing heart when they run. I have a racing heart because my anxiety thinks it’s a good idea.  

And for people that think anxiety is being nervous or stressed...it isn’t. It is much more than that. It’s the inability to pull yourself out of a rut. It’s knowing that your thoughts are irrational but not being able to ignore them. It’s when your brain tells you that you don’t deserve the good things in your life. That you don’t deserve the people that have chosen you because your life experiences have been so much easier than theirs. It’s when someone tells you something with complete honesty but you can’t believe him because your brain says it’s a lie.

It really does suck and sometimes I really wish I didn’t have anxiety and that my brain was normal. I actually wish for that a lot. But I wouldn’t give up my anxiety and depression issues if I had the chance. These experiences and thoughts and struggles have truly made me who I am. I wouldn’t be as thoughtful and empathetic. I wouldn’t be a good listener. I think I would still be quite narrow-minded

I know that people think I have no reason “to be sad” because my parents have been married for nearly 34 years and I was able to go to the college I wanted but the experiences people live through can’t truly be compared. I’ve really learned recently that our experiences are what we make of them. We can wallow in sadness and self despair or we can learn from those experiences. They are going to shape us somehow but it is up to us to take the good from them. We must take the good with the bad. If all of life were easy then we wouldn’t truly enjoy the good times. They say that stars can’t shine without darkness and it's true.