Bittersweet Independence
My best friend once told me that I am intimidating. I was shocked. I had to ask for clarification a few times because I don’t think I am intimidating at all. I’m awkward, easily entertained and fiercely loyal. I’m obsessed with Ed Sheeran and have an insatiable desire to travel. I had no idea why any of those traits made me intimidating. But then I thought about it and I have asked other friends if they understand the comment and agree and quite a few do. I guess the intimidation must come from being independent? That I will speak my mind within reason and that I am 100% myself without any qualms?
I’ve got to tell you though, the independence thing makes friendship really bittersweet. It’s taken me to an out-of-state university. To study abroad in London. On a solo overnight bus from England to Scotland. On the Disney College Program in Orlando. I have such amazing friends from each of those times and places, which is both amazing and sad (in a specific way).
It is well-known that I am very content doing things alone but I am also very content having friends join me on adventures. The memories are the best. When you can sit and look at pictures or reminisce with friends and they remind you of nuances you’ve forgotten.
That is what my current trip to Disney World has done. I was reunited with good friends and it has made me miss them so much. I don’t really miss working at Disney. Sometimes I miss calling little girls “princess” or trading pins with Guests at the bell desk, but I do not miss Florida or the special pains that come along with Disney’s incredible hospitality. It is the people that I miss but it is my own fault. I chose to move to Orlando for six months and intern at Disney. Then I chose to move back to Pittsburgh. Just as I chose to study abroad and meet amazing people and visit them in Australia.
The independence and desire to explore and see the world brings about unique struggles. I am lucky to have other fiercely independent friends, especially female ones. We’ve left our hometowns and traveled to different states, countries and continents. We have sprinkled seeds in many places but can’t seem to plant roots and with that comes quite the bittersweet independence.
